Marriage Real Life Work

6 Healthy Marriage Practices for a Busy Homeschooling Mom

How would you describe the relationship you have with your spouse? Is it a healthy marriage? Or is it beyond strained because of the busyness of your life as a homeschooling mom? Is your marriage priority or does it get thrown to the sidelines while other commitments take the leading role? For myself, a homeschooler and worker outside the home, maintaining a healthy marriage is a constant battle. My husband and I don’t have all the time in the world so we have to focus on key things we know will keep our marriage heading in a worthy direction.

6 Healthy Marriage Practices for a Busy Homeschooling Mom

I recently celebrated my 13th wedding anniversary. My marriage is one that has been weighed down by the stresses and trials of life…hasn’t everyone’s? Fortunately, my husband and I have managed to grow closer and become true best friends as we’ve matured and learned from very difficult life lessons. You can read about some of our trials here. I wanted to write this message about having a healthy marriage because I have seen too many people splitting up lately who have extremely busy families and it breaks my heart. Homeschool families are no exception to this.

I think in ways, a marriage is like a human body. Just like one’s physical, spiritual, and mental wellness – which I hope is a thriving one – a marriage needs persistent attention to maintain strength. You can’t just get to that optimal level of health and expect to stay pristinely fit by doing nothing. You must unrelentingly work at it, regularly attending to the whole body’s needs with full effort. Extra care is needed when under stress or a crash is not to far off. Neglecting any part of your body can have detrimental consequences. All of this completely mirrors a marriage.

Below are things I feel need special attention – things I’ve only learned because of my own mistakes. I can’t be the homeschooling mom I want to be without first addressing these issues with my marriage…

Choose your “vent sessions” wisely…

  • As a busy couple, your time is priceless. Wasting that time, endlessly complaining about the day’s stresses, steals your moments. Of course some discussion is needed at times but do a self-check before nagging, whining, stress dumping, etc. Consider these questions: Is this complaint worth the limited time I have with my spouse? Will this be important to me in a few days? Is it worth my energy to prove my point? Is it just plain annoying? If after you’ve gone through these questions and venting or discussion still seems smart than by all means, go for it. But I want to warn you, over doing this will train your spouse to tune out and miss something when it is truly important. This will cause tension in your marriage.

Stop keeping score…

  • You know what I’m talking about. Typically it goes like this: “I’ve been doing _____ all day and did this and that! What have you done?” And then the other person says, “Well I’ve spent the last several hours doing _____ and did this, and this!” Yes, this conversation is well rehearsed in my house. 😉 So I ask, is this healthy? I think not. Stop keeping score! It ain’t no competition! This is exhausting business and will never result in a happy ending for either party involved.  It creates resentment, anger, and bitterness with no one feeling appreciated. Resolve to serve each other and the family in love without keeping a mental tally of what’s been done because in your mind YOU will have always done more than the other person…and all that will do is tick you or your spouse off.

Lift one another up…

  • I have seen time after time wives publicly diminishing the worth of her husband or putting repeated pressure on her husband to do more, be more, and get more – like fitness or a better job. I’ve seen husband’s do the same to their wives. This is so sad. Even little complaints or teasing can have huge repercussions and ultimately this destroys the trust and loyalty of your marriage. This makes one feel unworthy and uncomfortable or even embarrassed. It suffocates the bond, creating only a brittle connection, that holds you together.  A spouse is supposed to be that one person in the world who is there to lift you up and be your true friend, not make you feel awful for being the person you currently are. Make it a goal to instead encourage, compliment, love, and comfort. Gentleness and kindness go far in a healthy marriage.

Recognize your spouse is human too…

  • We all have bad days, some which are so bad that it brings out the worst in us. This is unfortunate but it does happen and we should anticipate it from time to time. Your spouse isn’t perfect…and neither are you. So in these weak moments when someone is extra edgy about the dishes or the noise or something else, choose to have compassion for your spouse. Recognize that there is an underlying issue that needs your support and love. Give them grace and move on. Focus on what is important instead of superficial events of the day. We all make mistakes.

Have a blast with your person…

  • Enjoy each other every second you can, taking time to joke, relax, and actively love. So many times I see couples choosing to forgo alone time – no date nights, special evenings together, morning coffee, walks, or quiet moments away from distraction. This is like expecting to be fit without lifting any weights which we all know doesn’t work. You must do the muscle work to have a fit relationship.  This is one of those things that make a huge difference. Time together is extremely important. My husband is in law enforcement. Our time is limited and interruptions happen A LOT. But we still make an effort and sometimes we have to be creative. Even the little things like love post-its, text messaging, a back rub, and a quick “how was your day” matter. Schedule a date or quiet time now and keep scheduling them. These are little investments that really matter.

Give the gift of the leading role…

  • Allow your husband to be the leader. Yes, I said it. I use to cringe every time I thought of “submitting” to my husband. This was especially annoying to me because I thought that submitting meant one was “weak.” But as I’ve matured and educated myself on what this actually means, my tune has changed. Submit doesn’t mean that one is to bow down and be controlled by some awful person. It doesn’t mean you are someone’s slave. Generally speaking it simply means to allow your husband to be the leader. Just like two presidents would never work, two people constantly competing for power in a marriage will never work. One must give in a little so the other can lead. There is nothing wrong with this. It doesn’t mean you don’t have worth or a voice. Allowing the husband to be in the role that God designed will not only create a healthy marriage but also a healthy family.

A marriage isn’t about one person. It’s about two individuals, who by God’s design, compliment each other in every single way. There isn’t a “weaker” side or one that over powers the other. It is a perfect balance between God and two people. A marriage is a display of God and His amazing character in action. And because of this, it should be our priority and our goal to keep it healthy and fiercely protect it at all costs. This will result in balance in other areas such as the home, family, and school. Homeschool is challenging enough but then tack on other stresses and it can get much more difficult. Don’t neglect the one ally and supporter that God has gifted you. Your homeschool will be much more enjoyable and successful with your healthy marriage taking that leading role.

About the author

Heather

Heather is a Christian gal who lives in the Pacific Northwest, where she married her high school sweetheart in 2001. She has 3 children ranging in ages from 4-12. Asperger's and sensory processing issues are also in the mix. At this time, Sonlight is their main curriculum which Heather and her husband find nice for the working homeschool family. Heather juggles the responsibilities of being a part-time RN and police officer's wife. She has a reputation of creating kitchen disasters, but loves collecting new recipes and learning about natural, holistic living. Also in the family is a bunch of animals like chickens, goats, a few dogs, and cats....

3 Comments

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  • Thank you so much for this post! Especially the point you brought up about giving our husbands the gift of the leading role, that is a message that isn’t shared often today but it’s so true!

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