Marriage Real Life

Three Secrets for a Hot Homeschooling Marriage

The typical stereotype of a homeschooling family doesn’t usually include parents who are madly in love with each other. Society portrays them as harried and exhausted people with no time for each other. Sadly, this picture is often true. Too few couples would describe their homeschooling marriage as “hot!”

hot_homeschooling_marriage

The strength of the marriage is the foundation of the home, yet sometimes mamas with a full plate of busyness forget that. In the day-to-day responsibilities of teaching math and shopping for groceries, their role as a wife falls to the bottom of the list. And while it takes two to tango, we all know that we can only work on ourselves, right?

 

Here are three secrets to help move your homeschooling marriage from ho-hum to hot:

 

Just Say No…to Shame

 

Have you ever wondered why your husband reacts in anger to some small thing that you innocently said or did? Chances are, you shamed him in some way. Shame is the opposite of respect, and it can actually feel physically painful to a man. Being shamed cools his feelings of affection and creates a wall of protection. A few ways that we inadvertently shame our husbands:

 

  • Criticizing something he has done for us
  • Refusing his request for affection in the bedroom
  • Disagreeing with his parenting (especially in front of the children)

 

Awareness is the first step in change, so step back and listen to your self. Are you accidentally causing shame to your husband?

 

Homeschool Goal Setting

 

While you’re setting goals for your children’s progress through the school year, how about three simple goals for your marriage? Too often we figure that hubby is a big boy and can take care of himself. We don’t include our relationship in the list of school priorities, and that hurts our family.

 

Think through three simple, measurable goals for your marriage this year. The point of goals is to give this area some thought and effort. Set simple goals like:

 

  • Connect in some way at least twice a day: hugs, kisses, look into his eyes, talk about his work and interests
  • Set a specific goal for your relationship in the bedroom. At least three times a week is a good goal. Did I hear a gasp? Oh, dear. Try it and see how it transforms your marriage….and your husband.
  • Date Night once a week. If you absolutely cannot get a babysitter, declare it Date Night at Home anyway. Decent dinner, sit by each other on the couch to watch a movie, turn in early and light candles. Double bonus points on your weekly goals!

 

Look in the Mirror

 

The vast majority of husbands don’t expect their wives to be a size two and wear heels at home. But too many women use the “he should love me the way I am” card as an excuse for little or no effort on their appearance. We can’t change the fact that men are visual. It’s not their fault, and they’re not wrong. When we dress sloppy and neglect basic grooming, we send a message that his needs aren’t important. Not to mention the memories we’re creating for our children!

 

Yes, painful situations in a marriage could give you ammunition to disagree with each of these three secrets. But if your first reaction is “Well, he…” and “But he should…” be very careful. Certainly there are areas where he can improve. But because wives have such tremendous influence over their husbands, taking responsibility and being the first one to change could have far-reaching effects in your marriage.

 

Don’t allow yourself to get into overwhelm or despair about these three secrets. Remove the emotion. Sometimes overwhelm is an excuse to get out of doing something. Start small. Your family will benefit from the focus on your marriage. Try working on one secret and notice the changes. Having a hot homeschooling marriage is one of the best things you’ll ever do for your family!

 

How do you keep your homeschooling marriage healthy and hot?

About the author

Charlotte

Charlotte Siems has been married to her pastor for 34 years. She has homeschooled their twelve children for 28 years, having graduated seven students so far. Charlotte is Minky to five grandchildren (with one on the way). She lives in Stillwater, OK, with her husband, Henry, and the five children remaining at home, along with two dogs and four cats. After losing 100 pounds seven years ago, Charlotte was certified as a T-Tapp Master Trainer. She writes about family life, homeschooling, women's issues, fitness and weight loss.

8 Comments

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  • This is phenomenal post ! I have been writing about this very thing on my blog too. I especially like the 3x per week statement. You are so right too!

  • After neglecting this area for years, and having a conflicted marriage, I had to change things. I flirt with my husband during the day via text. It seems “teenish” but it has ACTUALLY made our life fun. Now I look forward to him coming home. And I discovered he likes something as simple as putting on a bracelet. Again, it seems ridiculous to modern thinking, but taking a couple seconds to act like I’m happy to see him…makes him love me. 🙂

    • Love this, Taunya! The little things matter. And while others might make fun or think it’s silly, follow your heart–YOU know your husband and marriage better than anyone!

  • I’m not a homeschooling mom but an empty nester. This article came at just the right time because as the years advance, we begin to take each other for granted and it’s so easy to find fault with those things “he should know by now”. I’m going to incorporate your 3 secrets and hopefully get back to seeing each other rather than passing by each other.

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